I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
