So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I understand Curling. That high.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Dick very happy bro
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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