sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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