About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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