I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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