if you like me you must not know who I am
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
