Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize