Your dad touched me again.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
