i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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