All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
