when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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