i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
