Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize