You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
