Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
