Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
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