note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
even my farts smell like vagina
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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