Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
