1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
