I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
