I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
