i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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