suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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