made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
