You don't have asthma, your pregnant
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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