he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
the day after is always just damage control
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
