Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
