Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
