i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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