I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
