yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
