Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
