those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Randomize
