"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize
