I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
