Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
