Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
