you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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