I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
