and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
