I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
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