In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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