You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
