You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
