Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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