is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize