she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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