Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
