Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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