You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
