Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Randomize
