My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize