I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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