I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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