i barfeds in our rink
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize