Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
