My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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