According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
