I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
