LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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