and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
