If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
