whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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