Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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