Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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