I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
