I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
