I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
