His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Come share oat with me in your robe
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
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