just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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