Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
