i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
