Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
