I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
