The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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