Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
