I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize